Getting further away
by moln
Summary: Femmeslash, HrG. Hermione is trying to forget, but is unable to. "She tasted like snow and ice and cold air that first time."
1. Stop Trying

Disclaimers: I don't own these characters, they belong to the great JK Rowling. If they did belong to me no one buy the books because they would suck.  
  
a/n: This is sort of a prolouge to a fic that I'm planning to write one day. I'm still trying to learn how to write... please review.

* * *

**Stop trying**

  
  
She tasted like ice and snow and cold air that first time. You haven't forgotten that, have you? As much as you're trying to you can't forget how soft her lips felt against your own ones, or how she looked at you afterwards like you were the most beautiful person in the world. You can't forget, all thought you're desperatly trying to.  
  
You haven't forgotten how she blushed so hard that it clashed with her red hair after you whispered in her ear that she was beautiful. And you really thought she was, you still do. She was more beautiful than the white snow on the ground, the shining moon and the stars together. She will always be the most beautiful thing that you have ever seen, all those flaws of her made her perfect in your eyes.   
  
Still, you married someone else. Someone who also was very beautiful, but didn't mean a thing to you. You married Ron, her brother, because you're a coward. Because you were scared. You will never forget how she looked at you the night that you told her that you didn't love her anymore, that you loved him, that you wanted to leave her. That was the first time you lied to her, and your hole life has been a big lie since.  
  
So stop trying to forget, Hermione. Ten years has passed since you were sixten and that first day in the snow, but you will never forget her or how she made you feel, how you loved her and still do. So quit trying. Just stop. 


	2. One big ol´ happy family

a/n: I love Ron and I don't picture him this way, but I have to write him like this to go with the story.

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"Honey, what do you say about visiting my mum and dad over christmas?", Ron asked his wife without looking at her. He was sitting in his chair by the breakfast table sipping his coffee and reading The Daily Prophet.

Hermione was standing by the stove frying bacon when Ron had started talking. She could her on his voice that it wasn't really a question but an order so she fought down the protest deep inside of her.

"Well, if you say so honey", she answered with a forced smile as she started walking towards the table with a plate of bacon in her hand. She put the plate on the table and then she started serving herself and her husband.

"Good, I'll call mum later and tell her", he said with a satisfied smile. Hermione sat quiet for a while and watched her husband eat his bacon and his toast.

"Will Ginny be there?", she asked quietly.

"I suppose so? I haven't really talked to her since she decided to go dyke", Ron muttered. "Ron, that is horribly judgemental of you to say so. Homosexuals are humanbeings as well and Ginny is your sister. What will you say to her when you meet her at home?"

"Nothing, of course, I don't have anything to say to that dyke. It's perfectly fine with me if the rest of the family wants her there but that doesn't mean that I have to interact with her."

"No, I suppose not", Hermione said, not daring to protest to her husband, while stroking her stomach. It was early december at the moment and the baby was expected in late february, she was of course very exited but Ron just thought of it as something that would cost money and take up all Hermiones time.

Nothing else was heard during breakfast but Rons grunts as he ate.

* * *

Later that evening Hermione was standing in front of the mirror taking off her make up, she hated the stuff really but Ron insisted on her wearing it.

"I called mum", she heard a voice say quietly behind her. "We're supposed to be there the 20:th so we can help with decorations and we're staying there for a couple weeks, over new years eve as well."

Hermione looked at Ron through the reflection in the mirror and simply nodded. She saw Ron closing the short distance between them and wraping his arms around her. Hermione looked at herself, disgusted over what she had become, as he started to kiss her neck and rub her upper thighs with his hands.

"Honey, not know… I'don't think that it would be good for the baby", she whispered, afraid of what would happen if he got upset over what she had said, but fortunetly nothing happened, he just let her go and went to bed. Hermione let out a sigh of relief, not just over the fact that he hadn't gotten angry but also over the fact that he left her alone. She loathed his touch and his presence and she hated the life that she lived with him.

She had started dating him because she was scared, she had married him because she was scared, but not over him. She was scared of Ginny and her love for her. She hadn't forgotten sweet little Ginny, beautiful Ginny.

Looking up towards the mirror again she stared at herself and then she spat at her reflection, and then big silent tears started to run down her cheeks.


End file.
